What is Anxiety and Panic?

I guess that most people experience it at some time in their life, probably more frequently than they notice.. for me it happens daily. Anxiety is something we all have to deal with, our body and our mind cope with it, I do not, my anxiety turns into full on panic, and panic is no fun, its losing total control of myself, I lost sight of whats right and wrong and even what is harmful and what is not, its like a temporary out of body experience , you are just not yourself , Attacks are usually for me graded in stages, 1-5.... I have learned to talk myself down at about a stage 4, 5 don't happen to often anymore than I thank god for, the 5's are the unbearable ones , where I am sure nothing will ever be the same again.

Ive been in and out of counseling since I was 16 years old. I would like to say that some of it has helped , but to honest none of it has, it always seemed the therapists I would work with had little knowledge on the disorder, which is surprising since its such a common one. The Medication is what does it for me... the sedatives and my "safe" people.

I have specific fears that trigger any anxiety and panic and I need to learn to cope and deal and even face those before I ever have a chance of overcoming this, However I feel my fear is too strong to challenge, even though I know that's never true.

My fear: Death, how do you face it? You can't I fear something that is inevitable , that is the hardest part of all of it for me, is that the one thing I fear I cannot change, and I cannot avoid.. There major triggers however, that are hard for me to even type out without get anxious about them, so I am going to choose not to do so right now. I promise in time I will get around to telling everyone what they are...

I am going to leave this where it is for now and tomorrow I am going to post the story of where it all start 10 long years ago