Here I am , Anxious, its pretty bad right now, I wouldnt say its HORRIBLE yet, but its borderline, Ive gotten through how many hours of being awake and taking care of my kids, and now1.5 hours away from my safe person being home, I get like this, I know what happened, I know EXACTLY what sent me here , it was simple change in feeling, NOTHING more, its crazy how a simple throat itch, can make me crazy anxious :( I dont understand the human brain and I wont pretend to but I wish , for once, that I could convince myself that I am okay!!!! I know deep down that I am, deep down somewhere, but on the surface I cannot make myself believe it, not even for a simple second ... So frustrating to me, it all is so effing frustrating... !!!! Why is it soo simple for some people to control their thoughts and others are a prisoner to them?? Is it a chemical imbalance, is their something I am missing or lacking or not producing enough of, there HAS to be an explanation to all of this a reason why..I simply refuse to settle for, because its the way things are!!!!
Tomorrow I am going to start taking my multi vitamin again and see if it helps, and see if maybe that takes away some of it, I dont expect it to be an awesome cure all, but I dont eat right and i dont think the vitamins can hurt!!! I am pretty much willing to try anything at this point!!!!!!!!!!
its 931 its about a stage 2, it was a stage3 borderline 4 when I started writing this.... so its calmed me down a little...thats always a good thing... I just really wish it were 11 P.M, or that I could cry :( I hate that I cannot be sad about this.. because a good cry always seems to make me feel better :(
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