Sometimes I wonder what I must have done in a past life, or even this one to deserve this, I mean I am not the best person but I am also far from the worst, I try and help people and I always hold doors. I guess I just dont understand why it has to be me. Which in itself is selfish because I am not alone in my suffering, there are plenty of people out there who go through this and go through far worse things. I really wonder if sometimes it would be easier to have something psychically wrong with me at least that way there could be a cure or a medicine , or something to help me. I feel so alone sometime and so punished, but for what I don't know. I would give the world just to live my life without so much fear. I want to escape it if only for a day just to know what its like to live a day in someones shoes who can just live, not worrying about what is going to happen, or better yet WHAT IF this happens.... I hate this, I hate what has become of me, I hate what its doing to me all together and I just want it to go away...
its 12:41 AM and I was headed to bed and checked my FB ... and there it was a trigger, probably my biggest one right in front of my eyes, I was so relaxed and ready to fall asleep, instead I am here in tears writing this because I know that sleep isnt going to happen for awhile and I wish I could have just went to bed and left my stupid phone alone :(
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