Just thinking about my disorder... I strongly believe that I had overcome it, that I had it under complete control...... Until that damn bee sting.. Because my FEAR used to be fainting, and that came from the first incident when I was 16.... I still to this day HAVE that fear... but I don't think its any longer my MAIN fear, I think my new main fear is not being able to swallow because when I got stung by the bee I was fine, until the panic took over me and all the sudden I went to "what if" I am allergic, or what if something happens to me.... because I literally FELT like I couldnt swallow, I now know that was all the panic .. then it seemed so real and like it was really happening, so maybe I hadnt overcome it entirely, maybe thats why it came back when something triggered it, but boy these last two years were amazing!!! So here I am , with not only the fear of fainting but tack on the fear of not being able to swallow, and viola, panic disorder comes back, worse than its been in 9 years, besides when I was younger, maybe even not then, this is the worst I can EVER remember it being, this is the most house bound Ive ever been, but then again I didnt drive back then, so I didnt really have the fear of driving .... I did have the fear of driving because I didnt get my license, but I was never this HOUSE BOUND ... I guess the agoraphobia has really just taken over this time.
Its 1150 AM , My time and I need to go to the grocery store 6-7 minutes away, do you know what I wouldn't give for that not to be a HUGE deal.
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