I hope you Dance

Hooray !!!! we sold my car today, it is gone and back to two payments, which is amazing, even if I was really looking forward to only having one for awhile :)

Today I went grocery shopping alone and unmediated, I did fairly well, considering the grocery store is just outside my safe zone, so not a huge achievement but still keeps my hopeful. I am learning in my workbook to tell myself that my panic attacks are not dangerous, while uncomfortable, they cannot harm me, that I am merely scared and not in danger. It seemed to have helped today when thinking of things that could happen or might happen, I tried to tell myself you are only scared , you are not in danger . I did okay, not great, not terrible. This workbook is also teaching me what causes my attacks and what to do when I feel one coming on, I have also learned that what I thought I feared the most was fainting and while it is a very strong fear, what I fear the most is having a panic attack, and thats why I start to become agoraphobia not to avoid fainting because Ive never fainted, but to avoid the actual panic itself. So on the way home from the grocery store the Faith Hill song came on, the one that goes, When you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance, nothing in the world could have been more fitting at the time, I was thinking about all the things I had missed out on recently because I was afraid, that is NO way to life your life, scared ,isolated and alone, I told myself that I would start trying, that I was going to try and start living life, with anxiety and panic or course , but to try and rid myself of the fear !!!


I hope everyone has an amazing weekend, P has a soccer game and I am going to not medicate myself this week, because I don't need it, its only making things worse for me, what am I actually medicating the fear, why when the fear is not dangerous ??? I am then going bowling with D and his friend and his friends girlfriend and P, C1 and C2 are staying in... :) I will let you all know if I survived the weekend !!


ETA- I havent had an actual full blown panic attack, since September 18th, but I have avoided things to prevent them.. .. This is actually for my own records and a random fact for you..lol