Monday..gag...

I really do hate Mondays, and this week D is pulling doubles, so I double hate Monday this week :)

Anyways the weekend was kind of uneventful, I did manage a Kmart and a Walmart trip with D ( my safe person) Its amazing what a different a person can make in your ability to do things, but I havent been out alone since the attack on friday... I was remembering a time when walmart wasnt so scary... its rough to look back to the easier times and hard to hold onto hope that one day it will be easy again... I got to part 3 in my Panic attacks workbook, where I am actually supposed to start exposure therapy, I have yet to start reading it or doing this part, I want to wait till I feel I am 100 percent ready,I am also going to start exposure therapy without a safe person, because I feel I can do pretty much anything with him, its without him I am having issues...

One thing I am supposed to do , is to pick people ,friends or family, close to me and tell them what I am going through. I am NOT ready for that, but I have two people in mind that I would love to share with.. I have shared this blog site with 2 friends, the 2 I felt would be unlikely to judge me and think differently of me, other than that..My panic disorder is for the most part a complete secret from my friends, D knows of course, but he doesnt know about my blog site,for I fear my inner most thoughts are too much for even him sometimes. I really want to share with these two people and maybe it would be easier if that sharing didn't have to be done face to face, but thats how this book would like me to approach it...

better late than never right?